Better Together: Stay at home dad, intimacy, and stop being nice

written by Nathan & Kelli

Better Together: a weekly newsletter with ideas on how to improve your marriage and how to live a happy and productive life.

From Our Lives

We finally pulled the trigger. Nathan has taken a 3 month leave from work. He is now a stay at home dad! To be fair he has been doing this for the last 3 months as well—while he tried to keep up with work. Kelli for her part has been enjoying spending more time out of the house bringing home some bacon.

Why? Well as Nathan has been working from home over the last year he realized that spending all day with the kids stressed Kelli out far more than he realized. So we started figuring out how to change the script. We are still learning, but we want to make Nathan the permanent stay at home Dad, with Kelli the primary breadwinner. Nathan has had 25 years to build up his career, Kelli is starting from scratch. So this comes with a significant financial hit, but we have money stored up to help us through.

It is interesting how, as we really focused on being there for each other, we realized that we both needed a new role. These new roles, so far, have been very positive for both of us and for the children.

The Couple Project

“Sex, by itself, doesn’t create intimacy, it requires both of you to allow yourselves to be vulnerable. It requires both of you to pay attention to each other's needs and wants. This vulnerability, attentiveness, and enjoyment can be a capstone in the creation of genuine intimacy between you and your spouse. Sex should be a priority, don’t let other commitments get in the way. Have fun and enjoy this time together.”

— Read the rest of our article: Improving Intimacy in Marriage - And Why

What We Have Been Reading

“One of the biggest reasons that it’s so difficult to save [money] is that no one out there really wants you to.”

— David Chilton, “The Wealthy Barber Returns”

“Whatever happens, whatever comes up between you and your partner, STAY IN THE CANOE AND PADDLE!”

Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly Hunt

“Don’t be nice, be kind — Being nice is to be agreeable, to please others. Being nice is glossing over difficulties to avoid making people feel uncomfortable. Being nice could even be seen as selfish— to spare oneself the discomfort of doing something difficult, and say nothing at all. In contrast, you cannot be kind by doing nothing. Being kind necessitates benevolent action, and this may require being disagreeable. Telling someone who is failing that they are failing is undoubtedly uncomfortable to say and displeasing to hear. Coupling that feedback with helping them understand why and how to overcome this challenge, is a great act of kindness.”

Alicia Liu

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Now, go give your spouse a hug and tell them you love them!

Written and published by Nathan & Kelli.


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The purpose of “The Couple Project” is to learn more about what makes a strong marriage or relationship. We share what we are learning, what ideas we are trying, and which ideas help improve our relationship. We realize not everything that works for us will work for you, but we still hope you will find our journey valuable. Please subscribe to our newsletter and send us any questions or feedback.


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