Better Together: Stop, Listen, and Fix.
Welcome to Better Together. The newsletter focused on showing you how amazing your marriage can be, and trying to help you get there. Each week we give you a brief glimpse into our lives and three potentially life-changing ideas to help you become a better partner. We hope that you will find this newsletter inspirational and practical.
We believe that “close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.” [1] We believe that by strengthening marriages, and families, we can improve the world at large.
We hope you will help us share this vision. Please consider sharing this newsletter with others via: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, WhatsApp, or email.
1. the Grant Study, a 75-year-long Harvard research project on human development
From Our Lives
The other day Nathan brought up a concern he had about something I had done.
I should have stopped and listened to what he was saying. Asking questions as needed.
Instead, my brain immediately went to figuring out what he should be doing better. I wasn’t curious about how I could improve. Instead I wanted to protect myself by showing him he wasn’t perfect either.
When this happens I go silent. I stop engaging in the conversation. I’m no longer curious. I get lost in my own thoughts and narratives. I stew instead of trying to fix the problem.
All the while Nathan feels ignored because I’m no longer truly present. I’m not listening to his concerns and validating his feelings, instead I’m stonewalling.
We end up going in circles instead of solving the problem at hand. Worst of all, conversations like this erode trust.
We are both working on staying connected and engaged during conversations. Asking questions and making sure we understand what’s being said. We are trying to be better listeners and more curious about each other’s points of view.
We don’t need a gold star for being right. Although we certainly enjoy it when we receive praise for being awesome.
It is okay when we make mistakes. The important part is being willing to do what we can to fix them. The important part is that we are working on being better today than we were yesterday.
What We Have Been Reading
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow.”
— Chinese Proverb
“It's okay to schedule sex. In fact it can help emphasize just how important sex is to your marriage.”
“Five simple rules for a Healthy Marriage:
1. Loyalty to your spouse.
2. Respect for your spouse.
3. Love for your spouse.
4. Forgive your spouse.
5. Treat your spouse like you're still trying to win them.”
Call To Action
Please help us by filling out our anonymous survey!
Now, go give your spouse a hug and tell them you love them!
Written and published by Nathan & Kelli.
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