Better Together: We Haven't Failed.
Welcome to Better Together. The newsletter focused on showing you how amazing your marriage can be, and trying to help you get there. Each week we give you a brief glimpse into our lives and three potentially life-changing ideas to help you become a better partner. We hope that you will find this newsletter inspirational and practical.
We believe that “close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.” [1] We believe that by strengthening marriages, and families, we can improve the world at large.
We hope you will help us share this vision. Please consider sharing this newsletter with others via: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, WhatsApp, or email.
1. the Grant Study, a 75-year-long Harvard research project on human development
From Our Lives
In September, Kelli and I started going to the gym. For 3 months we have consistently gone 4-6 times each week.
It’s been great. Kelli is excited about the results she is getting. I am excited about the results I am getting. We are excited for each other. We are working out together. We are seeing the amount of weight we can lift increase.
This week we stopped going.
Why? Because some of our more important priorities were getting dropped.
This was a tough decision to make. It is hard to stop doing something that you want to do. It is easy to look at this like “we failed”. In reality we are just slowing down, getting other pieces of our lives in better shape, and then we will start going again. Hopefully this is only a week or two pause.
It is important to be able to slow down. We need to recognize that not everything in our lives has the same priority. We need to recognize we can’t do everything. Sometimes, we have to drop something of lower priority in order to put sufficient time and effort into a higher priority item.
Take some time to really reflect on what is important in your life. Then be willing to make some tough choices about what you should be doing more of, and even more importantly, what you should be doing less of. This is the path to a full, happy life.
What We Have Been Reading
“[Perspective taking is] the ability to put ourselves in the place of someone else while recognizing their point of view, experience, and beliefs. This recognition creates the basis of understanding between people. There is no way to perfectly take the perspective of another individual. However, the conscious attempt to understand another’s point of view can build new neural pathways, create real learning, and reshape interactions.”
“Bids are verbal or nonverbal gestures between a couple that signal a need for connection. They can be big or small, spoken or unspoken, obvious or indistinct.
There are three ways to respond to a bid:
- Turning towards (acknowledging the bid)
- Turning away (ignoring or missing the bid)
- Turning against (rejecting the bid in an argumentative or belligerent way)
Healthy couples constantly make and turn towards bids to connect. When bids are ignored or rejected, partners are more inclined to criticize each other and become frustrated.”
— The Gottman Institute
“Worrying about how things might go wrong, doesn’t help things to go right.”
— Karen Salmansohn
Call To Action
Please help us by filling out our anonymous survey!
Now, go give your spouse a hug and tell them you love them!
Written and published by Nathan & Kelli.
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