Bad Marriage Advice

Sometimes we hear various “rules” for a good marriage. Many of them are actually bad advice. Here are some of the rules for marriage we don't think you should follow.


Don’t fight

You’re two different people with two different opinions.

Stay calm, hold hands, show empathy, listen, be assertive, be clear, compromise.

After: Forgive, laugh, hug/sex, own decisions, follow through.

Fighting isn’t bad. Fighting poorly is.


Be yourself

You shouldn’t be fake around your spouse.
BUT you should be trying to be your best self.

Marriage is a path to becoming a better person.

You should want to be better for your spouse.
You shouldn’t have to be.


If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all

Hard things may need to be said. Say them kindly.

or

Try harder. Stop silently wallowing in negativity. Find gratitude. Find kind words.


Children come first

Your spouse should come first.

A healthy marriage allows you both to give your children the love and support they need.

A starving marriage doesn’t.


Marriage should be 50-50

You need to give your all.

So do they.

A good marriage needs to be 100-100.


Love your spouse unconditionally

Our love for each other comes with conditions.

We expect each other to live up to their vows.

That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect, or anywhere close to it, but we have to be making an effort.


Hope you enjoyed these anti-rules. This post was originally a twitter thread which you can find here:

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The purpose of “The Couple Project” is to learn more about what makes a strong marriage or relationship. We share what we are learning, which ideas we are trying, and which ideas helped improve our relationship. We realize not everything that works for us will work for you, but we still hope you will find our journey valuable.

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